Do you ever feel scared when you try to explain things??? Lately I've been experiencing that scary feeling. Whenever I tried to explain my work to my boss, like my findings, like why did I do that? why did I get that? I get afraid. Scared that they don't get what I'm trying to point out. Lately, I was wondering if I have a communication problem. Before from my previous job (same industry as my present job) I didn't encounter such feeling. From my previous job whenever I explain my findings and problems to my office mate (I consider her my superior since she had been with the firm more than 10 years and besides she's the one who guided and taught me, we don't have ranking position since it's not a big firm) about this and that she understood. Well I guess that she did understand or on a second thought she might as well get confused with the way I explain things, and because she had a high I.Q and because she's being too analytic she might have figure out the problem herself and give me the right response. I don't know if in this case she did understand or she just had a high level I.Q. but I hope for the first one. Recently we had a new hire employee, since I'm the nearest to her she asked me from time to time questions about work, and I tried my very best to explain to her about it. I just don't know if she get it or not. Once I had even come to the point of asking my siblings if they understood me back then when I was tutoring and helping them with school work. Being understood by people when I tried to explain things is a big deal for me, it matters to me. Why? because beneath my heart is a hidden desire to become a good teacher. I want to teach, and I want that my students will be able to understand the lessons that I am teaching. I just don't know if this hidden desire will boldly come out someday. Entering in a teaching profession as of now is a big NO, NO for me because of my weak and shy personality. How can I become a teacher when I can't even had the courage to speak in front of a small group, what's more standing in front of a whole class. Before when I was a student, I hate recitations and reporting because I don't like standing in front of a lot of people, it makes me nervous. So what makes me think that I can enter the teaching profession and become a teacher. So I guess this hidden desire would probably stay hidden for a long time, but I hope not for forever.
- 陳錦錦
